John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
