Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
