do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
