Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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