i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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