if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it's like iHOP with fire
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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