He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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