I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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