so let's talk penis.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Help. Why am I so naked?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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