The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She announced her abortion via fbk
my shit smells like andre
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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