erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
