Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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