He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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