my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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