I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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