If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
