So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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