yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
