I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
sex in a hospital.. check
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.