he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....