i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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