it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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