I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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