i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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