yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
