So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
