coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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