wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
