you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
