my shit smells like andre
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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