Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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