I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
