omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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