just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
