lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
