my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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