do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
