I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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