sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
