I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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