the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
