I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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