I wish I could teleport
I bet he comes in French.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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