I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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