It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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