I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
