I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
