so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
