She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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