We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
God, I missed his penis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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