You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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