woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
