the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize