Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
