I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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