Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
pop tarts are not kleenex
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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