Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
