i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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