my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
