wanna go halves on a baby?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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