why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
