You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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