He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
