she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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