I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
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I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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