the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
