If i come over, it means nothing
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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