hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
