well I can't set my house on fire every night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
