Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
